Never
by Original Dark Angel
Summary: Legendary Three Sand Kunoichi HALLOWEEN CHALLENGE! Ten conditions listed inside. Sasuke wakes up after Itachi's attack on Naruto mentally five years old and Team 7 must reorient themselves as chaos follows.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So you now know how crazy about Naruto my friends and I are. This is the results of the challenge listed on my bio page so please try the challenge. To get the full effect of the humor in this story, you must read the challenge conditions below that we made up a month ago, in preparation for this. Enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. I don't even own one of the sand sibs like Kataiko-chan and Tsukiko-chan think they do. It's very disappointing.**

**1. Sasuke must become physically and/or mentally five years old. (Five year old mind and body or five year old mind and twelve/fifteen year old body or twelve/fifteen year old mind and five year old body)**

**2. The story must take place after Sasuke unlocks the Sharingan.**

**3. Sasuke must become very attached to Naruto.**

**4. Sakura baby-sits with disastrous consequences.**

**5. Someone other than Sasuke develops the avenger-complex. (In other words, someone else must say the line: "I am an Avenger!")**

**6. Five year old Sasuke saves someone from anything by accident.**

**7. Sasuke and Kakashi prank Naruto's ramen.**

**8. Sasuke gets a hold of one of Kakashi's books, and someone takes it away from him AND has to try to explain to him why Sasuke shouldn't read that type of book.**

**9. Ino slaps Sasuke.**

**10. Use the quote "I See Dead People" from _The Sixth Sense_.**

**Never**

**Original Dark Angel**

**Chapter 1: The Wild Sharingan**

Naruto was the only one in Sasuke's room today. Kakashi-Sensei and Sakura were at their respective homes getting some sleep until it was their shift to watch their sleeping comrade, leaving Naruto as a temporary babysitter. So he was the first one to see Sasuke's eyes fly open as the other boy emitted a terrified scream. But it didn't stop at that. Sasuke kept on screaming, throwing his arms up to protect his face and cover his eyes. Naruto hit the call button, just in case the screams weren't enough to draw the medic's attention, and leapt onto the bed trying to hold Sasuke still. All of this movement was really bad for the broken ribs, and Sasuke shouldn't be using his broken wrist at all. Yet Sasuke fought him like the devil, but since he wouldn't take his hands away from his eyes, he was at a disadvantage. Naruto pinned him to the bed, and used all of his weight to keep him there.

Then Tsunade was there, and she shoved him out of the way. Immediately Sasuke started fighting again, and the old woman couldn't restrain his feral thrashing. Sasuke hit the floor crying out in pain, with both hands firmly clamped over his eyes. Naruto caught him and held him firmly to his chest, daring the woman to make him let go this time. Sasuke went limp, and the Tsunade pulled his hands away from his eyes. Wild dark red orbs stared insanely at them, and with another devastating shriek, Sasuke tried to cover them. When he failed, he screamed "Too bright! It hurts!" By now tears were running down his face, something Naruto didn't think possible with the sharingan, let alone from Sasuke. The screaming continued as if Sasuke couldn't close his eyes against the light, so Naruto knocked the stupid old hag's hands away. Sasuke immediately covered his eyes again, and Naruto laid a protective arm across them as well. Before he could speak, Sasuke sobbed, "Where is my mother? I want my mother."

Naruto stared in horror at the broken boy. "Sasuke-kun, do you know who I am?"

"No," Sasuke wailed. "I want my mother, and my father, and my aniki!"

Naruto didn't know what to say to that, and apparently neither did the new Hokage. Finally four words tumbled from his mouth. "How old are you?"

"Five."

Kakashi was pacing the small confines of the hospital room, having the worst time trying to focus on what Tsunade was trying to say to him when his student was lying so helplessly on the hospital bed. If what Naruto had described was real . . . Kakashi had been worried by the long time it had taken Sasuke to wake after Tsunade had healed him . . . what had Itachi done that even the new hokage, the most talented medical nin, couldn't fix?

"Kakashi! Focus," Tsunade commanded. "Sasuke has suffered something unspeakable that has destroyed his mind. He sincerely believes himself to be five years old and his memory stops there, when his parents were killed. But whatever he saw in his mind must have been even worse than that, and he was trapped in the loop for the mental equivalent of a week. He couldn't pull himself out of the loop which was why he remained in the coma for so long."

Kakashi looked at his student. "Why the blindfold?"

"The light hurts his eyes and everything he sees is enough to send him into a panic attack. Essentially, he's five years old and his eyes are colored with blood. No child should have the sharingan." The healer bit her lip. "Kakashi, he managed the first time around alone. If he's left to his own devices again, someone will find him splattered at the bottom of a cliff."

"Do you think I would do that to him?" Kakashi thundered. "I was steps away from moving in with him as it was. I don't intend to leave him alone for even a moment. Whoever thought orphaned boys could survive on their own, should have tried it for themselves."

A broken sob cut him short. It only took a few moments for Sasuke to curl in on himself defensively. Kakashi realized that it would take much longer to soothe him out of it. He moved to sit on the bed next to the child. "Sasuke? Sasuke, listen to me," he ordered. "My name is Kakashi. I am your guardian. I'm here to protect you." After ten minutes of soft one-sided conversation, Kakashi deserved it safe to try something else and lay a hand on Sasuke's shoulder. The boy stiffened abruptly, but Kakashi didn't pull away. Carefully, he straightened out Sasuke's body without pausing in his words. He hadn't realized when Tsunade left, and by the time Naruto and Sakura appeared for their shift, Kakashi's voice was gone, but it was worth it, because Sasuke was asleep again.

The entire hospital was awoken by the screams. Kakashi was the only one to recognize the voice. He arrived in time to see Naruto pulling Sakura away from the corner where Sasuke was blindly trying to hide. Kakashi ordered them both to sit down and shut up. He approached the previously screaming, now sobbing bundle of cloth and boy, and began the process of untangling Sasuke from the covers that hadn't stayed on the bed. Eventually, he scooped up the boy and crossed the room to sit next to Naruto with Sasuke on his lap. The boy was stiff but after a half hour of meaningless conversation between Kakashi and Naruto, he relaxed and his head eventually came to rest on Kakashi's shoulder in sleep. Yet the teacher never set the boy down. Sakura was the one to ask why, but Naruto was the one most affected by the answer. "How often has Sasuke allowed himself comfort? Why should it be denied to him now?"

"What do we do now, Kakashi-Sensei?" Naruto asked. "Itachi will come back for Sasuke. There are other enemies."

"No one is to ever know," Kakashi ordered. "We will continue to take him with us to training and on missions. One of us will serve as his bodyguard while the other two perform the mission. What little contact he has to the village will cease, and no one outside this team and the Hokage is to know that Sasuke is little more than a child."

Naruto was diligent in his assignment to block the village's view of Sasuke. The black-out curtains that protected Sasuke's sharingan-enhanced vision helped, but every once in awhile there was a more dedicated and creative fangirl than usual. Naruto had just prevented a team of three from scaling the hospital wall and evicted another one from the ventilation system. By the time Sasuke was cleared to leave the hospital, Naruto became a nervous wreck. It had taken every last ounce of his prankster skill to stay a few seconds ahead of the fangirls.

Kakashi was going over the last of the paperwork with Tsunade before they could take Sasuke to their predetermined location of residence . . . also known as Naruto's apartment. Sakura was currently there making the place habitable for humans, so Naruto was alone with Sasuke when he finally slumped into a chair by the other boy's bedside.

"You need fewer fan girls," Naruto grumbled. "Getting rid of them should be considered a B-ranked mission at the very least."

Sasuke's head tilted to the side. "Who are you again?"

"Naruto, one of your teammates, remember?"

"Hatake Kakashi-Sensei is my teacher. Haruno Sakura and Uzamaki Naruto are my teammates," Sasuke recited. "I'm twelve years old, and a member of Team 7, and my sharingan was damaged when I faced my ani-Uchiha Itachi, an s-class missing-nin."

Naruto frowned. "So if you knew that, why did you ask?"

"Cause I couldn't see what you looked like with the blindfold on," Sasuke offered simply. Said blindfold was clutched in Sasuke's fist, and his tired black eyes met Naruto's with a shrug. The sharingan still appeared and disappeared at random intervals, but Sasuke hadn't needed the blindfold yet this morning and it was the first time since the brief battle with Itachi that Naruto had seen his comrade's black eyes instead of the wild red sharingan or the blindfold.

"Sorry. I forgot." Naruto disliked apologizing to Sasuke, but his teammate, who had at least two inches on him in height, just looked so small.

"Why do those girls keep trying to get in?"

"Eh. They want to make sure you're okay."

"Why?"

"They're your fan girls, completely obsessed, and willing to kill anything in their way." Naruto realized that his words may not have been the most comforting, as Sasuke's eyes widened, the tiniest tinge of red appearing. "But I'm here to keep them out, so you should rest until Kakashi-Sensei comes in to take you home."

"Back to the clan's compound?" came the hesitant whisper.

"Nope," Naruto grinned widely. "My house."

Sasuke's eyes went even larger. "Kakashi-Sensei! Kakashi-Sensei!"

Naruto frowned in confusion and their sensei looked in on them. "Yes, Sasuke?"

"Are you going to leave me with him?" the dark haired boy pointed at Naruto, the look on his face a priceless one of horror. "He doesn't even wash his clothes!"

Naruto looked down at the long black smudge stain down the front of his jacket. "That's from chasing your fan girl out of the ventilation system, you gaki! It would serve you right if I just let them all swarm your room and sigh over 'Poor Sasuke-kun' like they've been trying to do for the last week and a half!"

"Naruto. That's enough." Kakashi had grabbed his shoulder before Naruto could reach the spoiled prince on the bed. "He's only a child, so you will treat him as such rather than your rival. Are we clear?"

Naruto glared at Sasuke, ignoring the other boy's trembling bottom lip, and growled, "Crystal, Kakashi-Sensei."

"Good. Sasuke, we are both staying in Naruto's house and Sakura will visit. You won't have to worry about the state of the house. Sakura is taking care of that now. You will obey Naruto when he is in charge, Sakura when she is in charge, and they will take care of you. They are doing you a favor and you should be more polite."

Sasuke stuck his chin out stubbornly. "An Uchiha is above-"

"Your clan is gone, Sasuke. If I hear one of their outdated and biased sayings come out of your mouth again, I'll leave you to the mercy of Naruto. Do you understand?"

Sasuke's mouth snapped shut, and his eyes got impressively large as if he were about to cry, when Sakura-by the gift of women's appearing at exactly the right time to distract children-breezed through the door with the happy call of, "I'm finished, Kakashi-Sensei."

Kakashi smirked, slipped out the door, and left the pair to come to their own understanding with Sakura to act as mediator.

The moment the door closed behind Kakashi, Sasuke wrenched his eyes from the vivid pink of this girl's hair, and promptly burst into tears. It got the reaction he wanted from the pink-haired girl, but the blonde boy just stared at him. Sasuke began to wail in earnest, and the girl that he could only assume was Sakura immediately flung her arms around him and rocked him back and forth. Despite nearly choking on the pink hair shoved into his face, he maintained his gut-wrenching fit until the blonde started to fidget uncomfortably. It didn't take nearly as long as it took to get Itachi to cave.

"What's the matter, Sasuke-chan?" the girl crooned in his ear.

Sasuke made a face into her shoulder before letting out a whimper. "He . . . he hates . . . me." He proceeded to point an accusing finger back behind him at Naruto. From the soft whimper of fear, Sasuke knew that Naruto was in trouble with Sakura even if he couldn't see their faces. Mission complete. Now what else, could Sasuke get out of this?

By the time that Kakashi had returned, Naruto was sulking in a corner, muttering about spoiled brats. Sakura had disappeared to find Sasuke something to eat, and Sasuke was entertaining himself with Naruto's kunai. Kakashi's lecture on giving small children sharp objects could wait until they got home though. The possibility of Sasuke injuring himself was probably the reason that Naruto gave Sasuke the knives to begin with. In any event, there was a lot to do as soon as night fell. They had to get Sasuke's things from the Uchiha compound, get home, and feed the three something before sending the three gennin to bed. Just this once, it probably wouldn't hurt Sasuke to stay up late.

Kakashi carried Sasuke once the boy got tired. Naruto and Sakura accompanied them on this trip. All they needed were Sasuke's things. This mission was done undercover of night, and Sasuke was asleep by the time they reached the Uchiha home. Once inside, Kakashi laid him on the low couch and draped a blanket over him. Silently, he and Naruto headed for Sasuke's room, while Sakura remained with Sasuke.

She wasn't prepared for when his eyes snapped open, a blood red and he started to scream. She tried to hold him the way that Kakashi-sensei did and desperately whispered in his ear, "Hush, Sasuke-chan. No one can see or hear!"

Sasuke just stared over her shoulder in horror, unable to drag his eyes away. "The blood! It's everywhere!" He cowered back into the couch. "I cleaned it. I cleaned it all! Why is it still there?"

Kakashi and Naruto came flying into the room, kunai at the ready, Kakashi's sharingan eye bared already. Could he see what Sasuke was seeing? He turned pale as he surveyed the walls. "Sakura-chan! Get him out of here!"

As she pulled at the boy, she wailed, "I can't! He won't move."

Naruto pushed past her and actually hauled Sasuke off the couch, locking his grip under the taller boy's arms. Half-carrying, half-dragging Sasuke out the front door, he tripped and fell, taking Sasuke with him. By now Sasuke had a death grip around Naruto's neck, which made it impossible for either of them to move. Sasuke remained upset, until Sakura whipped off her forehead protector and tied it as a blindfold on the afflicted teammate. Finally Sasuke calmed and released Naruto enough for them to sit up.

Kakashi appeared from the house with a bag thrown over one should. He looked at them, and then around before giving Sakura a grim nod. He handed the bag to her and scooped up Sasuke. "Let's get out of here before anyone arrives to investigate. Speed and stealth are our top priorities until we reach Naruto's house."

Once safe, Kakashi sat on the couch in Naruto's living room with Sasuke's head in his lap as the boy slept. They had replaced Sakura's headband with a fresh blindfold upon returning to protect his vision if he woke up, but for now he was peacefully asleep, the only state where Sasuke was completely calm since his confrontation with Itachi. He finally looked up at Sakura and Naruto. "Your questions?"

"What was wrong with Sasuke?" Naruto asked, eyes narrowed at his former teammates.

"He woke up with Sharingan," Kakashi said softly as if it explained everything. To his students, it must not have since they were looking at him in confusion. "What happened in Sasuke's house seven years ago?" he prompted.

"His clan was killed," Sakura answered promptly, but in a whisper and only after a quick look to make sure that Sasuke was still asleep.

"And their chakra-filled blood was splattered across both walls and floor. A developed sharingan can see the chakra stain even after the blood's been washed away, and after what Sasuke did, he probably has memorized the stains to the point where all he can see is the blood."

"What did Sasuke-kun do?" The broken boy's words came back to Sakura. "He didn't . . . he wasn't the one to clean it, was he?'

"By the time shinobi were sent to investigate the missing people it was over twenty-four hours after the slaughter. They arrived to find bodies everywhere and the building soaked with blood, but the walls were spotless. Only Sasuke survived and he was taken to the hospital, but when he woke up, he ran away. Half of the shinobi were searching for him. In the innermost room of the compound, the Third Hokage found a small child scrubbing the last of the blood from the walls, four feet from where his parents' corpses had lain. He fought like a demon to finish his task," Kakashi petted his charge's hair gently. "He was taken back to the hospital, but within a week, he returned to his home and lived there ever since."

"Sasuke-kun," Sakura whimpered.

Naruto leapt up. "They let a five-year-old go back there all alone? And they call me baka!" he muttered returning to his seat when Sasuke started to stir. When the boy settled, he continued. "They call me idiot, they who would do such a stupid thing."

"They did it to you too, Naruto," Kakashi reminded him. "You were the same age when you lived alone."

"I hadn't watched the slaughter of my entire clan and washed their blood from the walls of my home with my own hands," Naruto growled, his eyes turning red. "No wonder Sasuke is a jerk after a nightmare such as that!"

"Calm down, Naruto," Kakashi ordered. "Go to bed and get some sleep. There will be training first thing tomorrow morning."


	2. Attempting

**Never**

**Original Dark Angel**

**Chapter 2: Attempting to Keep Track of Sasuke-chan**

Sakura leapt up. "Kakashi-Sensei! You are late again! And even later than usual! Just what is your excuse this time?"

Kakashi looked sheepish and worried at the same time. "I . . . ah . . . I lost Sasuke."

Both of them stared at him dumbfounded for a moment, before Sakura screamed, "What?"

Kakashi took a step back. "He was asleep on his bed. I just took a quick shower. He shouldn't have been able to wake up and disappear that fast!"

"You lost Sasuke-chan!" Sakura shrieked. "How could you, Kakashi-sensei? You were supposed to be watching him!"

"Um, Sakura?" Both teacher and student turned to look at Naruto who stood there sheepishly, with one hand in the air. "Could you yell at Kakashi-sensei after we find Sasuke?"

With a final glare, Sakura took off down the street towards the shops. Naruto headed towards the training grounds, and Kakashi went for the Uchiha district.

* * *

Gaara was sitting in the tree patiently waiting for either Uzamaki Naruto or Uchiha Sasuke to appear. He was still searching for information and a greater understanding of love. While his siblings no longer feared him, none of the three truly understood why Team 7 was willing to die for each other. Therefore, they were sitting in random trees just beyond the Training Arena to spy on the trio.

Gaara was startled when Sasuke just appeared out of nowhere, sat down, and started to cry. As disconcerting as this was, Gaara wasn't in the mood for unexplained phenomenon this early in the morning. So he dropped from the tree, and greeted the other boy coldly, "Uchiha."

The other boy looked up at him fearfully. "Who are you?"

Gaara looked at him oddly, but ignored the question in favor of asking one of his own. "What is going on?"

Uchiha buried his face in his hands and wailed loudly, "I'm lost! I hid when Kakashi-Sensei called me and now I don't know how to get back and they're all going to be so mad at me!"

Gaara gave him another odd look. "You're just outside your village, and you can't find your way back home?" he asked skeptically. "Why don't you just ask one of the other teams?"

"I'm not allowed to talk to any of the other people from our village," came the whimpered reply.

Gaara was growing more and more disconcerted. The other teen was behaving rather childishly for his age. "You're talking to me," the redhead pointed out, growing rapidly confused and looking up at the still-hidden Kankuro for some input, but his older brother merely shrugged.

Sasuke pointed at the metallic plate attached to his carrying strap. "You're from the village Hidden in the Sand. They're our allies, but they don't live here, so I think it's okay."

"Allies?" Gaara sneered. "They still call us allies?" Then his eyes met Sasuke's for the first time. The eyes of hatred, of longing to prove oneself, the eyes so like his own, were gone. In their place was childlike innocence. Pieces started to fit together, but Gaara resisted them. "Where's your shinobi headband?" he asked.

"I can't wear that all the time until I'm a real gennin again, like Naruto-kun and Sakura-chan."

By now Gaara couldn't deny it any longer. This wasn't the same Uchiha Sasuke that he had fought during and after the chunnin exam. Maybe he had done more damage to the team than he had thought. In any event, the boy was of no further use, so Gaara shrugged and started to walk away when Temari's fan smacked him up the back side of his head. Even though the sand had blocked the blow, he just wasn't used to Temari's lack of fear.

"Just what do you think you're doing?" the older girl hissed. "Get over there right now and take the poor boy home!"

"Um, Temari?" Kankuro started from where he obviously thought was relatively safe in the tree. "We're kind of wanted in Konoha. We can't exactly walk in there to return the stupid kid. Aarrrggh!"

As Kankuro spat out dirt and regained his footing on the ground, Temari calmly refolded her fan and stretched out a hand to Sasuke. "Come on, Sasuke-kun. We'll take you home." The idiot scrambled to his feet and took it, before reaching for Gaara's free hand.

"Don't even think about it," the redhead growled. "Come on already."

Sasuke followed them cheerfully, never shutting up despite his brief imprisonment in Kankuro's puppet, Kuroari, after annoying the older gennin. Temari had been most displeased by the incident, and after that Kankuro had been forced to tail them at a distance while licking his wounds and glaring.

They reached the outskirts of the village and heard Naruto yelling. Gaara barely managed to grab Sasuke with the sand before the taller boy ran off. "Wait!" He shared a look with his siblings. They couldn't get caught here!

Temari knelt next to Sasuke. "You don't want to get in trouble, do you?" she cooed. "Gaara will take you home and you can hide under your bed. Gaara will put you to sleep with his special jutsu, and I'll make sure that they find you. We won't tell them that you ran away or that we found you, Sasuke. It'll be our little secret. Okay?"

Uchiha nodded eagerly and Gaara idly wondered if the guy had any idea how idiotic he looked, acting like a little kid. "Let's hurry up then, Uchiha. I don't wish to listen to anymore of your prattle than necessary." Slipping through the alleys was remarkably easy and there was no one in the house. Sasuke slipped into place under the bed without prompting and looked up at Gaara expectantly. Before the brat could make another sound, Gaara performed his force sleep jutsu on the boy, and escaped the house quickly with one last glare at the pictures of Team 7. "You're an idiot, Uchiha Sasuke, but a lucky one."

* * *

Sakura was about to leave the market place and search elsewhere when the woman in front of her started complaining loudly to her companion. "I couldn't find the boy anywhere yesterday. Then when my husband came home, he found Raga under his bed . . . fast asleep!"

"I would have been furious with the brat," her male companion responded. "What a stupid kid. The least he could have done was respond when you called for him."

"He was asleep, baka," the woman said sharply, but Sakura wasn't paying attention anymore. If she had been, she would have noticed despite the long robes that the woman was awfully short or that the man's burden looked familiar.

Instead, she ran to the ramen stand and caught Kakashi-Sensei by the shoulder. "Did you look under his bed?"

Kakashi took off towards the house with Sakura at his heels.

There he was. The dark head almost concealed by the blanket hanging off his bed, fast asleep and curled up under the bed. Kakashi collapsed against the doorframe in relief. Sakura shook her head. "I'll go find Naruto now. Don't let him out of your sight."

"I don't plan on it," Kakashi informed her sincerely, as he took a seat four feet from his charge, and nervously watched him asleep.

* * *

Sakura wasn't surprised when Kakashi showed up to training the next day with a set of chakra cuffs. Fastening one bracelet to Sasuke's wrist, their sensei wore the other, and while it gave Sasuke a ten foot leash, it prevented him from wandering off. Then Kakashi presented matching bracelets to Sakura and Naruto, explaining that Sasuke would be confined to a ten feet radius of the closest team member. Even Naruto had the sense not to complain, when that wild gleam appeared in Kakashi's eye. Of course, the baka was also highly entertained to watch Sasuke get knocked down every time he went too far. Boys!

* * *

Naruto had finally managed to get out of the house without Sasuke. This enterprise had included distracting Sasuke with a large bowl of ice cream, flooding the bathroom with shower water, climbing out his bedroom window and jumping to the next roof. Now he was finally on his way to the ramen stand on his own for the first time in two weeks. At least that's what he thought. Unbeknownst to him there was a dangerous presence behind him, fuming, and an innocent one above him. Fortunately for him, the innocent one reached Naruto first.

Sasuke suddenly dropped from the trees overhead right in front of Naruto. "Aargh! You gaki! What are you doing here, giving me a heart attack?"

Sasuke was trying to speak, but the death grip that Naruto held on his collar made it rather difficult for him to do so. Still the rather stubborn kid managed to get five words out. "Sensei . . . water . . . book . . . really mad."

Naruto dropped the other boy, idly wondering how he had managed to lift him off the ground in the first place. "Oh." Then the meaning of those words truly hit him. "Oh! Run, Sasuke! Run!" The pair took off for the trees. Kakashi beat him there, and Naruto was forced to use Sasuke as a human shield, to the other boy's loud protests. It ended with Sasuke standing next to them, watching nervously as Kakashi sat on Naruto and proceeded to read from his very damp orange book, that Sasuke had been wondering about since he arrived at what they called home.

* * *

Naruto was returning from his grocery shopping errand when he saw Sasuke completely quiet and sitting on a swing reading. This seemed highly suspicious, and Naruto detoured to find out what the other boy found so fascinating. When he saw the bright orange cover, he shouted so loudly that Sasuke fell off of the swing. Naruto swooped down and grabbed the offending book.

"This is a very dirty book, Sasuke-chan! You shouldn't be reading this!"

"Why?" Sasuke asked, looking up at him through very innocent black eyes.

"Because you're too young," Naruto said flustered. "And I said so."

"Why?"

"Because it's a dirty book."

"No, it isn't," Sasuke said in confusion. "Kakashi-sensei takes very good care of his books, and I was careful with it."

"Not dirty like that. Dirty like . . . like . . ." Naruto really didn't want to explain this. Even if Sasuke was five years old mentally, he was twelve years old just like Naruto. Shouldn't this be Kakashi-sensei's job? "Dirty like that jutsu that Sakura-chan hits me over," he finished. "You don't want her to hit you too, do you, Sasuke-chan?" The eyes got wide, and Naruto backtracked. "Not that she would ever hit you, Sasuke-chan. But she would be very angry if she knew you were reading such a bad adult book." Now Sasuke was crying, and Naruto felt even worse. "Well, not angry, but sad and upset. Oh, come on Sasuke-chan. Don't cry," he pleaded.

Kakashi chose that moment to appear. "Have you seen Icha Icha Hollywood, boys?"

Naruto shoved the book into his sensei's chest. "You explain your sexy book to him if you're stupid enough to let him get his hands on it."

As Naruto stalked away, he heard Sasuke ask through his tears, "Kakashi-sensei, what's sexy mean?"

"Taxes," the jounnin stated in all seriousness.

"Oh, yuck."

And Naruto resolved to drown himself at the next possible opportunity, or maybe Kakashi-sensei instead.


	3. Life or Something Like It

**Never**

**Original Dark Angel**

**Chapter 3: Life . . . Or Something Like It**

The only reason that Sakura had agreed to stay overnight at Naruto's was because they hadn't gotten back from their messenger mission until close to two in the morning and she didn't want to wake her parents. So now she followed the three males towards the apartment.

Kakashi led the way, a sleeping Sasuke on his back, while Naruto walked beside her. "Say, Sakura-chan, we only have three beds. Why don't you sleep in mine? Ow!" Sakura drew back her fist and gave him a cold glare. "What?" Naruto whined. "I was trying to be chivalrous by taking the couch."

Sakura's eyes softened. "I'm sorry I hit you, Naruto. I thought . . . never mind. Thank you for the offer, but I don't mind the couch."

"You can have my room, Sakura. You three need your rest so that you can show up for training bright and early tomorrow." Ignoring the taunt that they would again face an early morning waiting for their sensei, Sakura thanked Kakashi. Curious as to Kakashi and Naruto's care of Sasuke after she left for the day, she followed Kakashi into the boy's room and watched him put Sasuke to bed. He left the sleeping boy in his clothes, but removed the sandals. Then he draped a blanket over his charge.

Sakura wasn't quite sure what to make of that. Sure, it wasn't the abrupt toss into bed, and careless turning away that she had secretly dreaded, but it wasn't the careful and gentle changing, tucking in, and good night kiss that she had grown up with from her parents. It was simply a practical means to an end. Maybe that was enough for them since neither Naruto nor Kakashi had known their mother and they were male and had certain rules about what men could do or couldn't do. But Sasuke-as far as he knew-had only been without a mother for two weeks, and was only five years old.

Sakura waited for Kakashi to step away before leaning over the bed and dropping a kiss to Sasuke's forehead and tucking the covers in a little tighter. Even if she was only twelve, she would rather fill the gap than for Sasuke to miss out on this a second time around.

* * *

It was barely an hour later when muffled sobs woke her. She gathered a blanket around her shoulders and followed the sound to the room that Naruto and Sasuke shared. Kakashi was already there, sitting on the bed with an arm around Sasuke's shoulders, while Naruto crouched on the floor in front of his teammate. Both were speaking softly, Kakashi's hand stroking Sasuke's hair, and Naruto's hand clenched in Sasuke's. Sakura padded barefoot around to the head of the bed and sat down on the other side of Sasuke. Her hands replaced Kakashi's and she leaned Sasuke's head against her shoulder. Her eyes met Naruto's and the silent message of _bad dream_ went between them. With a sigh, Sakura began to quietly sing a little made-up lullaby, until Sasuke's eyes stayed shut and his weight became heavy. By this point Kakashi had left them, and Naruto had taken up residence on Sasuke's other side, curled in a snoring ball at the foot of the bed. So for just this once, Sakura supposed it wouldn't kill them to remain like this. She leaned back the rest of the way against the headboard and closed her eyes.

* * *

Kakashi opened the fourth and final set of cupboards in Naruto's and gave a suppressed growl of exasperation and rage. Sasuke looked up at him from his seat at the table. "Nothing, but ramen again, Kakashi-Sensei," he asked softly.

"I'm so sick and tired of Ramen, that I could kill Naruto," Kakashi stated calmly and seriously. "If he wants to die of food poisoning before he makes chunnin, that's his prerogative, but I for one am never going to eat another bite of Ramen. And all of this . . ." He hurled a kunai through one of the cups. ". . . is leaving the house."

Sasuke stared at him wide-eyed. "You can do that?"

"Watch me." Kakashi reached for both the nearest cup of ramen and a trashcan, only to jump back when a kunai missed his nose by an inch. "What the-"

"Get away from my ramen," came the deadly voice of Uzamaki, Naruto. "Or someone will get hurt."

Sakura had arrived by now and had taken a seat next to Sasuke so that she could correct his homework. "Now be reasonable, Naruto," she started to intervene. "If you continue this ramen diet, sooner or later you will die."

"If you're not with me, Sakura, then you're against me. No one touches the ramen," Naruto shouted, waving a shuriken wildly in Kakashi's direction.

The sensei took a step back and started a staring contest with Naruto, neither looking away until Sasuke began to whimper.

Kakashi paused in the kitchen doorway. "You've won this skirmish, Naruto, but the War of Ramen has only just begun."

"I will gladly die for my ramen," Naruto shouted at the retreating man, before locking all of his cupboards, and leaving himself.

"Boys!" Sakura muttered in a huff as she exited the kitchen, and then Sasuke was alone in the kitchen once more.

* * *

Two days later, Sakura was washing dishes when Sasuke came sprinting into the kitchen and promptly tripped over the pile of empty cans that composed one of Naruto's alarms, hooked by a fishing line to the locked cupboard handle. The crash heralded the arrival of the orange suited _Ramen Rakkanshugisha_ as Naruto had taken to calling himself within an hour of the initial incident. Sasuke had mangled the name twice before switching to the simpler _Ramen Man_.

_Ramen Man_ was waving a kunai about threateningly and shouting "Eat ramen or die, Kakashi-Sensei!"

Sakura sighed. The War of Ramen had only gotten progressively worse. Locks had appeared to guard the cupboards. Vegetables and other healthy foods line the counter. And the tin can alarms? Well, this was the third time Sasuke had tripped over them . . . today.

Sakura had had enough. "Knock it off, Naruto! Kakashi-Sensei didn't set off your stupid alarms," she shouted, as she helped Sasuke up again. "You tripped up Sasuke again, you idiot!"

"I'm sorry, Sasuke," Naruto offered expression contrite.

"No, you're not!" Sasuke yelled, swiping a furious hand across his eyes. "I'm always tripping! Always!"

"It's his home too, Naruto! You should make it safe for him," Sakura lectured.

"I'm really sorry, Sasuke. Don't cry. I didn't mean for the traps to get you. They're for Kakashi-Sensei. Here, help me set this back up and we'll go out side to play. You can even pick the game."

"Tag!" Sasuke exploded, racing for the door, and leaving Naruto to clean up the mess on his own, but the blonde boy didn't protest, probably out of guilt.

Sakura waited for both of them to disappear, before grabbing her jacket. If Naruto was willing to watch Sasuke for a little while, than she would go shopping in the village.

* * *

Kakashi slipped into the kitchen when he saw Sasuke crawl into his preferred hiding spot above the porch roof. It would take Naruto exactly seven minutes to find Sasuke through the process of elimination. That left him four minutes to work his magic, once everything was in place. He stepped over the alarms carefully, rearranged a few things, and pressed the explosive tags to the bottoms of the cupboards. Within a few moments, the cupboards were bottomless, and the containers fell into a heap on the counter. He summoned his dogs, and loaded them up as quickly as possible. From the undignified shriek that twelve year old Sasuke would have rather died than utter, Naruto had found the boy precisely on time.

"Three . . . Two . . . One." Kakashi spun around to face Naruto, who held a rather disgruntled Sasuke thrown over one shoulder, the other boy's lips pursed in a pout. "Naruto!"

Naruto looked shocked for half a second, before shouting, "I knew it all the time. Sasuke-kun was just a distraction. And now I've caught you, Kakashi-Sensei, with the smoking gun-er-ramen."

"Okay, and if I concede defeat, can I leave the kitchen alive," Kakashi asked in mock-seriousness. "Oh, great _Ramen Rakkanshugisha_? Preferably with Sasuke to find some food elsewhere?"

Naruto laughed. "Go ahead. And thanks for heating up my ramen for me." He set Sasuke back on his feet, picked up the nearest cup and drained it in one gulp before turning a peculiar shade of green. "What was that?" he gasped as he raced for the sink.

Kakashi laughed and scooped up Sasuke. "Vegetable Soup," he answered calmly.

"But I stopped you!" Naruto protested as he rinsed out his mouth. "You didn't have the chance for a switch!"

"The Vegetable Soup was already in the cupboards before you got here," Kakashi explained patiently. "I just had to make sure that you ate it before checking the contents. Hence, the credible _Italian Job_ imitation. I let you catch me, Naruto."

"No!" the blonde wailed. "Where did my ramen go?"

Sasuke giggled. "Not here. Not there. Not anywhere near."

Kakashi grinned indulgently at the boy. "To simplify the riddle, Sasuke donated the ramen to a soup kitchen while you were eating lunch with Iruka. And posting the lock combination within sight of the cupboards? Not too bright." With that, he left his student to contemplate the next few days without ramen, while he treated Sasuke to a decent meal for his assistance with the prank.

* * *

Watching Sasuke was always amusing, especially in town. It was also a valuable method of training, that Naruto thought every sensei should put their teams through, as The-Avoid-Avid-Fan-Girls mission. Naruto had accidentally allowed the henge on Sasuke to slip long enough for a female admirer to see her idol, which ensued in a marathon quality run to outdistance the girls and hide, which brought them to where they now resided, in two empty barrels in a small alley just behind the flower shop.

Naruto cautiously climbed out of the barrel, but motioned for Sasuke to stay put. He looked both ways and helped Sasuke out of the barrel. "That was close, eh, Sasuke-chan?"

"Hi, Sasuke-kun."

"Oh, no," Naruto moaned. "Ino."

The blonde caught up with them and threw both arms around Sasuke's neck. "How are you today, Sasuke-kun? I haven't seen you in so long!"

Sasuke looked over her head at Naruto. "Fine," he said shakily. "You?"

"I had a funny dream last night," she offered with a cat-like satisfaction. "You were in it."

"That's neat, Ino," Naruto broke in. "Oh, well, we have to get back to training before Kakashi beats us there."

Ino didn't release her grip on Sasuke. "Am I ever in your dreams, Sasuke-kun?" Hesitantly, the boy nodded. "What else do you see in your dreams, Sasuke-kun? Us together?"

Sasuke shook his head and whispered, "I see dead people."

Naruto burst out laughing, but it was cut short when the sound of a slap filled the alley.

* * *

Sasuke held his stinging cheek, trying to blink back his tears before this Ino girl saw them. Otherwise, Kakashi-Sensei and Sakura would start worrying. But then Naruto shoved his way between them and started yelling at Ino. Quietly, Sasuke backed into a corner, and crouched out of sight.

"You know the damaged sharingan blurs reality for him, Ino! The whole bloody village knows it! Where do you get off hitting him for it?" Naruto was telling the lie again. All the time, Sasuke was messing up, and his Sensei and the others would have to lie for him. Why was he so stupid?

Eventually the yelling stopped, and Sasuke peered out from behind the barrel so Naruto wouldn't have to look for him. "I'm sorry," he whispered, thinking that Naruto was angry at him.

The other boy's face softened, and he offered Sasuke a hand up. "Not your fault. Let's get back to Sakura and Kakashi-Sensei." He turned back to glare at Ino, who was now staring at Sasuke in either confusion or regret. It didn't matter to Sasuke. He just wanted her to leave so he could ask Naruto what he had done wrong. He followed the other boy back to the training grounds at a slow pace until an arm settled across his shoulders. "What's the matter, Sasuke-kun?"

"Why did she hit me? She asked what I see in my dreams!"

Naruto laughed. "Girls don't always want the answer to their questions, chibi. They want us to read their minds and give them the answer that they want to hear."

"But that's confusing!"

Naruto messed up his hair again. "And with that you have summed up all of man's problems with women. That's pretty sharp for a kid."

Sasuke glared briefly at Naruto and ran ahead to find Sakura. At least she wasn't at all like that Ino.

* * *

"Sakura."

"Yes, Ino?" Sakura turned and faced her old friend. "What do you want now?"

"I want to know why Sasuke hides from the village since he woke up. I want to know why someone from your team is always with him. I want to know why."

"The sharingan leaves him with little perception of reality. It'll take another few weeks to heal, so we don't want him to get hurt by accident," Sakura shrugged, inwardly resolving to strangle Naruto for getting Ino suspicious. "Why? Are you trying to steal him from me again?"

"He doesn't belong to you, Sakura." Ino's face changed. "He won't belong to either of us like this. I hope you get who did this to him."

"Did what?"

"That isn't Sasuke. Not the one we went to school with. I hope you're up to the task of protecting one like him. It won't be easy."

"What are you talking about, Ino?"

"I'm not blind! But then again, I'm not a snitch either. I won't tell anyone. Good luck."

Before Sakura could respond to this, Ino disappeared down the street and joined arms with Neji. The secret would get no further, she hoped as she watched them leave.

* * *

The three kids were sitting in the living room watching TV when Kakashi-sensei appeared. Naruto was hanging upside down off of the sofa, while Sakura curled up against the other arm, and Sasuke lay on the floor coloring.

Sakura, unlike the boys, was aware that the man was watching them. "Can we help you, Kakashi-Sensei?"

"We have an actual mission tomorrow. C-class."

"Yes!" Naruto shouted, pumping his fist, and promptly tumbling from his precarious position. A twist of his body was the only thing that kept him from landing on Sasuke. The dark-haired boy stuck his tongue out at him, and went back to his coloring.

Sakura was a little more concerned. "What kind of mission, Kakashi-sensei?"

"Acting as bodyguards for a Suna merchant traveling home through our forest. The Fifth Hokage insists that our alliance with Sand has been restored. Gaara in particular expressed a wish to see you three."

"We're not actually going, are we?" Sakura gasped. "They could hurt Sasuke-chan!"

"No way, Sakura-chan," Sasuke called from the impromptu wrestling match on the floor. "They couldn't ever get past you and Naruto-kun to lay a finger on me." Then he dove back into the wrestling match, and was promptly pinned by Naruto.

As touching as the little boy's faith in them was, Sakura was seeking a little more solid reassurance. "Kakashi-sensei, is this really safe?"

"I'm sure that we can pull this off, Sakura, and it would look suspicious if we stop taking missions. For Sasuke's sake, we have to take this mission."

"Alright then. I'll go pack for us then."

"Sakura, you may as well forget the individual bedrolls since you three all sleep together anyway."

Sakura sniffed. "I was planning on it." She was also planning on finishing up the little project Tsunade and her had been working on.


	4. Missions Seals and Hanging On

**A/N: Just so you know, the last paragraph makes sense in the world of the Legendary Three Sand Kunoichi (Kataiko, Tsukiko, and myself as Kiken). It's okay to ignore it until more of our big stuff is done and posted. This is just a little challenge.**

**Never**

**Original Dark Angel**

**Chapter 4: Missions, Seals, and Hanging On**

The old man they were guarding was pleasant and seemed delighted with their company. He also was generous with his sugar candy, which had resulted in rather hyper boys racing around the clearing playing tag while Sakura made dinner, and Kakashi scouted ahead. Sakura laughed quietly at their antics as she prepared the fish that the boys had caught for her earlier.

"Time out! Sasuke-chan, come help me!" The boy ran over, took a deep breath as his hands flew through the familiar hand seals, and blew fire for her to cook the fish with. "Thank you, Sasuke-chan. Go back to your game now."

Sasuke dashed off, dodging Naruto, and racing for a tree. After a brief chase, Naruto caught Sasuke around the waist and laughed. "Caught you, Sasuke-chan!"

The old man watched the two boys play for a little while longer, before turning to Sakura. "So what happened to that boy?"

Sakura shrugged. "Came off worse in a fight. The Hokage told you that we would have a child with us."

"I was picturing a smaller child," the old man laughed. "Not that he isn't small for his age."

Sakura watched the boys playing tag back and forth. "I never noticed," she confessed softly. "He was the heartthrob of our class, the genius whom everyone expected so much of. He lost everything so very young, and had to shoulder so many responsibilities then. Naruto and I grew, but Sasuke never did. Sometimes . . . sometimes I think he's better off this way . . . forever a child."

Sasuke tripped over a root, just as Naruto reached out to tag him, and the pair hit the dirt laughing. Sasuke was up and on his feet before Naruto as on his knees, shouting over his shoulder, "Can't catch me, Naruto-kun!" Then he slammed into an individual who seemed to appear out of nowhere. Sasuke hit the dirt again and froze when he looked up at Kabuto, a whimper of fear on his lips at the malice-filed face.

Sakura sent a wave of chakra at the man as Naruto lifted the terrified Sasuke and carried him back, dumping him in the old man's arms. "Hold onto him!" she shouted, leaping forward to take the offensive, leaving Naruto to defend through his Kage Bunshin no Jutsu. "Kakashi-Sensei will be back soon. Don't do something stupid."

"But that's my best move, Sakura-chan," Naruto called out in a teasing tone, even as his clones surrounded the target and Sasuke with a tight circle. He trusted Sakura. She was the one who had set the many layers of booby-traps around the campsite, and he knew that if he got involved, he would only set them off himself. Sakura could manipulate them the best.

Indeed, Kabuto spent the next ten minutes dancing back and forth trying to avoid the traps that Sakura triggered deliberately, and the underlying ones that were waiting for him. Eventually he mis-stepped and ended up hanging upside down from a tree.

Naruto didn't release his shadow clones, although he slipped into the center of the circle, and took Sasuke back from the old man. The taller boy clung to his arm as they watched Sakura walk forward, a look of intense concentration on her face. She had something up her sleeve. So they were surprised when she promptly sat down below the silver-haired ninja and struck up a conversation.

"Kabuto-kun," she started politely. "Are you here for a reason, or did you just happen to run across for us in your journey?"

"Orichimaru-sama required a new vessel two days ago, but Sasuke-kun never showed up," Kabuto smirked. "I came to see what delayed him."

Sakura nodded understandingly. "Sasuke won't be joining Orichimaru, Kabuto-kun. He's made the choice to stay here with his teammates. Team 7 is stronger than any seal."

"Oh really?" Kabuto jack-knifed up and slit the rope with a chakra laden hand, flipping and hitting the dirt by bringing his hand down directly through Sakura.

Imagine his surprise when she burst into a puff of smoke and the real one slipped behind him, two kunai bared and placed around his throat in a way that he could move, neither backward, nor forward without slitting his own throat. With a wicked grin, Kabuto reached forward and tapped an unusual tattoo on his left wrist, a seal.

Sasuke screamed, collapsing to his knees. He clutched at the seal with one hand while the other was wrapped tightly around his stomach. Unlike the time in the tree, Sasuke wasn't holding back his tears. Sakura couldn't move away from Kabuto. That's what he wanted. Naruto couldn't let go of the shadow clones to bleed away the invading chakra. That would leave them open to attack if Kabuto had back up or if the silver-haired medical nin got past her. So they had to watch in horror as the child screamed in pain and fear, with only the old man free to hold Sasuke while the boy shook.

"I'll stop the pain, Sasuke-kun. All you have to do is come with me back to Sound," Kabuto crooned. "Orichimaru-sama has been waiting for you."

"Kakashi-sensei!" came the pain-filled scream. "Sakura, help me! Please, Naruto!"

Sakura was a hairsbreadth from slitting Kabuto's throat regardless of the consequences and running to Sasuke's aid, when another silver-haired ninja dropped down beside her and gave her permission.

"Yo," was Kakashi's greeting. He took in the scene with cold eyes, sharingan bared. "Go ahead, Sakura. He has nothing we need, and I took care of his subordinates."

Sakura had never killed before. But right now, she didn't feel an ounce of hesitation. Kabuto couldn't get away to tell someone about Sasuke. The cut was clean enough that she could have taken Kabuto's head clean off, but she didn't want Sasuke to see such a thing. If she could help it, she didn't want him to see the corpse at all.

Kakashi bent and heaved the body over one shoulder. "Go to Sasuke."

Naruto was already beside their teammate, hands over the seal, drawing away the flow of evil chakra and forcing the black flames to retreat from Sasuke's skin. Sakura knelt beside them, and cradled Sasuke carefully, sending some of the healing chakra into his system, the way that Tsunade-sama had taught her.

After a few long minutes, Sasuke heaved a shuddery breath and opened his eyes. With a whimper, he shut them again as the sharingan had surfaced. Sakura pulled away from him and wiped away the few smudges of blood that Kabuto's end had left on her dress. Naruto started rubbing Sasuke's back, and the next time Sasuke's eyes opened, they were black again.

"Alright there, Sasuke-chan?" both teens asked simultaneously.

"That hurt," he croaked.

Sakura stood up and walked over to the packs to lay out the bedroll. Naruto helped Sasuke up and over to the mat, waiting for Sakura to tuck him in. The second Sasuke's head hit the pillow, he was fast asleep and the others returned to their tasks in a much more subdued mood.

* * *

While Kakashi was busy with Sasuke and the merchant, Sakura cornered Naruto. "I've been working on this with Tsunade. It's one way to put the best parts of our team into one cohesive whole. We can't be caught off guard again. Sasuke depends on us to keep him safe."

"Um, Sakura? Do you mind going back to the beginning and telling me what you're talking about?"

"Naruto! Pay attention!" Sakura sighed. "We have three good qualities to our team. Your high chakra level, Sasuke's bloodline limit, and my brain. If these three were put into any one of us . . ."

"Then we could take on just about anything," Naruto finished catching on. "You found a way to do it?"

"It's experimental. I haven't tried it, so it's a bit of a last resort, but theoretically it combines our powers and creates . . . well, a super us." She handed him the scroll. "Memorize it. Just in case."

* * *

Naruto and Sakura were on guard as they entered Suna, and were almost immediately escorted to the home of the former Kazekage. Both closed ranks protectively around the weakened Sasuke who was practically asleep on his feet, one hand clutching trustingly at the sleeve of Naruto's jacket for guidance. However, when the blonde girl from the chunnin exam (someone Sasuke shouldn't remember at all) appeared, he immediately perked up and pulled away from them to run and hug her. "Temari-san!" he shrieked. The blonde girl smiled softly at him, and petted his hair. "Hello, Sasuke-chan. How are you today?"

"Tired," Sasuke yawned. "Where is Kankuro-kun and Gaara-kun?"

"Kankuro is on a mission. Gaara is on his way. He had a meeting with the council."

"I'm here, Temari." Gaara had appeared-sans gourd-and stared levelly at Sasuke despite the several inches of height difference. "Are you tired, Sasuke?" he asked calmly. A half-covered yawn answered him. "Temari, show the kid and their sensei to one of the guest rooms, and then return so that we can speak with our guests."

His sister moved immediately to obey him and Sasuke immediately latched upon her hand. He also started talking even though his words were constantly punctuated by yawns.

Gaara crossed the room and sat down at the table, waving them over to follow his lead. "You can come out now, Kankuro," he called, and the puppetmaster appeared from behind another door.

Sakura and Naruto leapt up, weapons at the ready and one hand on the scroll. "Where's Sasuke and Kakashi-sensei?"

"Relax, you won't need those," Temari chuckled from behind them. "Kankuro was just hiding from Sasuke-chan. He doesn't get along with little kids very well, and Sasuke left a negative impression last time we met."

"Sasuke doesn't remember the last time we met," Sakura said suspiciously. "He's lost most of his memory in fact. So why does he know you three?"

"My sister's motherly instincts . . ." Kankuro instinctively ducked a casual swing of Temari's fan. ". . . forced us to take up the task of rescuing the little brat when he ran away from you guys awhile back." He shuddered. "I sure don't envy you for having to take care of him."

"He's no problem at all," Sakura lied, not sure where they were going with this. "Why did you want to see us anyway?"

"Oh, that was Gaara's idea," Kankuro shrugged. "He wants you two to explain the concept of love to him."

Sakura turned bright red, and all thoughts of Sasuke fled as she stared at the three anti-social and bored Sand ninjas in front of her, listening intently. "Um . . . Naruto can do it!" With that she fled down the same hallway that Kakashi-sensei and Sasuke had disappeared down earlier.

* * *

Naruto returned three hours later with a traumatized expression and a growl, specially reserved for Sakura. "I hate you."

Sasuke looked up at him from his position on the bed, head in Sakura's lap. "Why do you hate Sakura-chan?"

"Because she's evil," Naruto growled. "You owe me thirds of ramen for a week, Sakura-chan. I'm scarred for life."

"They couldn't have been that bad," Kakashi observed from his position by the windowsill. "Could they?"

"Gaara's most precious person is his childhood teddy bear," Naruto whispered darkly. "You tell me." With one final shudder, he walked over and dragged Sasuke off the bed. "Come on, let's get out of here before I have to give them the sex talk too. I can't handle that twice in my lifetime." Kakashi and Sakura laughed, but both hastened through their preparations to leave. It wasn't something they wanted to have to deal with either.

"I feel sorry for the ones who have to put up with their love-stricken selves once they finally get it," Naruto growled as he repacked his clothes.

* * *

Two kunoichi of sand, a lazy chunnin of leaf, and a girl from another universe who just had the unlucky fate of having to live with the aforementioned people in three years, all sneezed at that moment, and wondered _Who's talking about me?_


	5. Return of Itachi

**Never**

**Original Dark Angel**

**Chapter 5: Return of Itachi**

Of course they couldn't have a nice leisurely trip back to Konoha. Instead, a figure in a long black cloak emblazoned with red clouds appeared. At least Itachi was solo this time, but he also picked the time when Sakura and Kakashi were scouting, and only Naruto had been left behind to guard Sasuke.

His first warning hadn't come until a pale hand rested on his shoulder. Simultaneously Sasuke screamed in terror. Naruto whirled around to face a thoughtful Itachi. "Looks like I did more damage to my little brother than I thought," he mused.

Naruto shoved a terrified Sasuke back behind him. "Stay there, Sasuke-chan. This will be my fight now." Pale fingers clutched at the back of his jumpsuit, but Naruto couldn't afford to take his attention off the threat or both their lives would be forfeit. Itachi couldn't hurt Sasuke again. Sasuke wouldn't survive another fight.

Itachi laughed at him. "Your fight? Not your clan, not your revenge, not your fight."

Naruto stood as tall as possible and stared down the man. "Sasuke is my clan, as is the rest of my team. Blood is not the basis of affection. He passed the vengeance to me long ago, and I will take it for my teammate. For him and his blood clan, I'm the avenger."

"Strong words, nine-tails. Did little Sakura write them down for you?"

"No, but she gave me this. Go ahead, and use your sharingan. I'll use Sasuke's."

The scroll that Sakura had given him was at his belt, but he didn't need to see it in order to remember the hand seals. Naruto's chakra, Sakura's brain, and Sasuke's bloodline limit. With five deft movements, all three were at his disposal. He noticed out of the corner of his eye, that Sasuke had collapsed. Crap, Sakura hadn't mentioned that part. Hopefully Kakashi could take care of her, and he would have to handle protecting Sasuke. He took another glance around and his eyes widened. This was what Sasuke saw? This was cool! He leapt into battle, aiming for Itachi's off side.

* * *

Itachi wasn't doing so well. Once Kakashi had appeared carrying the little pink-haired gennin, Naruto's attacks lost their cunning brilliance and the pair joined in the fight. While Itachi could have handled the three easily on a normal basis, Naruto still wielded Sasuke's sharingan, while his little brother lay in a heap, fiercely guarded by the girl. Itachi shoved the girl aside and grabbed Sasuke, bringing his eyes up to the mangekou sharingan. "Wake up," he coldly ordered, before shoving the boy away.

* * *

Sasuke staggered back from his older brother in fear and confusion. The last thing he remembered was Itachi looking at him through the forbidden sharingan technique. But now he was outside in a clearing next to an unconscious Kakashi-Sensei while Naruto and Sakura moved to stand between him and Itachi. He buried his aching head in his hands and tried to remember what had happened. He blanched when the dark memories hit and almost threw up. But then there were other memories, memories that didn't hurt but didn't make sense either. Kakashi-Sensei carrying him like a small child . . . Sakura covering his eyes when all he could see with the sharingan was blood . . . Naruto turning bright red as he held Icha Icha . . . Sakura singing to him . . . Ino slapping him . . . fangirls chasing him . . . Gaara's startled reaction . . . Kakashi patting his head as they did something disturbing to Naruto's ramen . . . laying on a large bed with Sakura curled on one side of him and Naruto on the other, all in a tangle of arms and legs, his head pillowed on Naruto's shoulder, both hands clinging tightly to Sakura's. This couldn't be real. He pushed it to the back of his mind and pulled himself to his feet in determination.

Then Naruto looked back over his shoulder. "Sasuke-chan! Do as you're told and stay down, you idiot chibi!"

That did it. Sasuke sat down hard, half by an unknown instinct to actually obey Naruto and half out of shock. They thought that he was just a little kid. He HAD been just a little kid. His sensei had carried him, his teammates had babysat him, a girl had slapped him, and he had announced to total strangers that he was five-years-old. How could he ever look someone in the eye again?

He shook off the feeling and forced himself upright. He did not take orders from Naruto! He paled as Sakura was hit hard and thrown aside. Then Itachi turned to him, but before either Uchiha could do anything, Naruto had caught Sasuke around the waist with a strong enough jump to take both of them forty feet up into a tree. He hissed in Sasuke's ear: "You know better than to disobey during a battle, Sasuke-chan."

"Let go of me, Dobe."

The dramatic effect of him jerking away was marred by his near fall from the tree branch, but Naruto's hand flashed out and caught his wrist before he could fall. "Sasuke?" the blonde asked in wonder.

Sasuke glared at him. "I'm not a little boy, Dobe. I can take care of myself. And I'm going to kill him. Take Sakura and hide." He tossed out a calculated remark, the only chance of preserving his dignity he had, claiming not to remember beyond Itachi coming for Naruto. "Whatever he wants you for can't be good."

Naruto actually looked disappointed. But then the look was gone and determination took its place. "No, Sasuke. You will never face him alone again. I promised you that and I won't go back on my word."

Sasuke shrugged and leapt down, powering up a chidori, but Itachi grabbed his wrist and flung him into a tree. "Back to normal, I see."

"Shut up!"

Naruto tackled Itachi at that second, but was left holding a log. Itachi was gone, but his voice lingered. "They'll never let you go."

Sasuke crawled to his feet and offered Sakura a hand up. "You okay?" he asked gruffly.

"Sasuke?" she whispered. "Are you?"

"What happened?" he bit off harshly interrupting her. There was no way he could ever live this down if they thought that he remembered it. "I was fighting Itachi in an inn with just Naruto and now the whole team's joined in and we're in a forest?"

Kakashi came forward, and looked into his eyes, checking his head for swelling. "No concussion. Is that the last thing you remember?"

"Yes."

"You've missed a couple of months then. Your five year old consciousness took over for a while," the man stated calmly.

"Sasuke-chan," Sakura started.

"I am not a kid," he growled. "I don't care if I was. I'm not now. Don't call me something so ridiculous." Sasuke stared coldly at his team before stalking off for firewood. He had been shocked by the sadness in their eyes and didn't want to face it again.

By the time he made it back to the campsite, Sakura had stopped crying except for the occasional sniffle and Kakashi-Sensei was reading a book distractedly, while Naruto was late returning with the fish. The meal was silent and stiff. No one tried to lighten the mood, not even Naruto. They just sat there looking like they had lost their favorite puppy. He wordlessly went through after dinner training, but nearly bit off Sakura's head when she suggested he go to sleep.

Kakashi looked up at that with displeasure. "Bed, Sasuke. That was rude and uncalled for."

With a snort, Sasuke almost turned to the large sleeping mat the trio had shared for over a month. Catching himself at the last minute, he snatched up his pack and made a show of looking for his bedroll. When he couldn't find it, he glared at the sleeping mat, his teammates, and stalked off to the edge of the campsite.

He lay down fighting the urge to curl into a defensive ball, waiting for the others to go to bed. Sakura and Naruto lay awkwardly at opposite sides of the mat, turned away from each other now that Sasuke wasn't sandwiched between them. Kakashi disappeared into the trees, to keep watch. Sasuke held out for another hour before the cold and loneliness got to him. He got up and walked over to his teammates. Both were facing each other now and closer to the middle of the mat. Unsurprising, as usually, that's where he used to lay clinging to both like a child. He couldn't just drop into the middle though, there wasn't enough room. He hesitated, almost choosing to go back to his spot, but then he made up his mind, and nudged Naruto with his foot. "Move over, Dobe. It's cold."

Naruto's eyes opened and a confident smile spread across his face. "You mean you got lonely, Sasuke-chan," he teased as he rolled over enough for Sasuke to slide between them.

"Think what you like," Sasuke answered flippantly, as he buried his face in Sakura's hair.

"Oh, I will," Naruto said, the grin turning distinctly fox-like. "Because I know that you remember. You're not fooling anyone, little Sasuke."

"What are you talking about, idiot?" Sasuke asked harshly. "The last thing I remember is fighting Itachi."

"Then why did you go for firewood earlier? It was not your chore back then. Why did you obey me and Kakashi-Sensei when we told you to do something you didn't want to do?" The expression on the other boy's face was now decidedly a smirk. "How did you know that you belonged in the middle?" Then he backed off and pet Sasuke's hair, making the dark-haired boy growl. "But don't worry, I won't tell."

Sadly, Sasuke fell asleep not long after that, so he never heard Naruto whisper, "I don't have to, Sasuke. They already know."


	6. Epilogue: You Idiot Chibi

**Never**

**Original Dark Angel**

**Epilogue: You Idiot Chibi**

"Sasuke!" Naruto knocked the other boy to the ground. "Now you are the idiot. Orichimaru can only give you a dark power. One that will turn you into Itachi. That won't help you. What will become of you after Itachi's dead? Do you think ahead that far?"

Sasuke looked up at him through tear-filled eyes, blood trickling down his chin. "After that it doesn't matter. I have no future and I seek none in return for killing Itachi. I no longer care."

"Well, I do!" Naruto shouted. "We all love you! Sakura-chan, Kakashi-Sensei and I all care about your future and you'll have one, whether you want it or not." He dragged the other boy up and wrapped both arms around Sasuke's thin shoulders. "You're my brother. I promise that I wouldn't let Itachi hurt you anymore," he whispered. "This will hurt you."

"Let it!" Sasuke screamed. "Let it, Naruto! As long as Itachi is dead, I don't care!"

"You idiot," Naruto whispered, bringing his fingers up to press the pressure point of Sasuke's neck. As Sasuke slumped unconscious into his arms, Naruto sighed before hoisting the boy over his shoulder and turning back. We won't lose you too."

* * *

As Sasuke returned to consciousness, he found the chakra bracelet connecting his ankle to Naruto's. The indignity of it would normally have infuriated Sasuke, but he was too relieved. Taking a deep breath, Sasuke pushed himself up into a sitting position, and faced Naruto across the campfire. He swallowed hard and raised his head so that he could look Naruto in the eye. "I'm sorry, Naruto," he rushed before he could choke on his own pride. This was a huge transgression, and required an apology whether Sasuke wanted to give one or not. "Thank you for holding me back."

"You're an idiotic chibi," came the low growl across the fire, but then it turned into a chuckle. "But that's okay, cause Sakura-chan, Kakashi-sensei, and I know how to deal with that."

Sasuke fought the urge to pout or whine. It was exceptionally difficult to control his emotions after his brief stint at reliving his childhood. "I apologized." He hadn't managed to quite miss the pout, but he had successfully avoided the whining.

"And I bet that it hurt, didn't it, Sasuke?" Naruto teased.

"Baka."

"Chibi."

"Dobe."

"Sasuke-chan."

"Aarghh!" Sasuke leapt over the fire and tackled his teammate . . . and was promptly pinned as he had been every time he had wrestled with Naruto for the last two months. "That's not fair.

"Get over it." Naruto rolled off of him and they sat there catching their breath. "Sakura and Kakashi will catch up soon," Naruto mentioned quietly. The other two had been left behind to deal with the Sound ninjas that had gotten to Sasuke yesterday morning after the team had a fight, while Naruto went after Sasuke.

Sasuke shrugged from his position in the dirt and watched the flames.

"You are so grounded."

Sasuke looked up fast. "You think?"

"Kakashi-sensei flipped out so bad when you disappeared that for a second I thought his porn had gone missing. You're going to be grounded or my name isn't Uzamaki Naruto."

"Great," Sasuke muttered. "Why am I always the one in trouble now? I thought that was your job."

"It was before you turned yourself five, got into a heap of trouble, and then ran off for Sound the first time something went wrong," Naruto scolded. "I promised that I would help you fight Itachi. I will always keep my promises."

"Stop treating me like I'm still five," Sasuke growled. Before Naruto could retort, there was a rustle in the bushes, and both boys reached for weapons. But only Kakashi and Sakura appeared.

"Yo," Kakashi offered, taking a seat next to Sasuke. Sakura kissed Sasuke's hair before sitting next to Naruto. "It's too late to go home tonight. We'll head back tomorrow morning. So you three had better get some sleep."

Sasuke got up wordlessly to move over to the sleep mat that Naruto had set up for them, but was delayed when he suddenly found himself in the center of a group hug. "Hey, let me go," he protested.

"Never," was the chorus answer.


End file.
